Here Comes the Spring

The snow is gone now, save for a few piles of gas soaked sludge hiding out in the Kroger parking lot. The sun is out again, and its rays can finally be felt instead of only seen. On a day like this, when it is all but certain that winter is gone, I like to think of what I heard a fellow coworker say during the throws of the first Polar Vortex:

"I don't want to hear any complaining come July, when its 90 degrees out. If you want to say something, think of what you were doing January 9th, when it was -40 degrees."

I was wrapped in all the winter clothing I could find, feeling the beard on my face freeze over from the water in my breath. My legs ached, as did the foundation of the house. Both groaned in the night, when the winds were at their worst.

It was extreme. It was also amazing.

From NPR.org

There are not many years where you can say it was so cold you could see water crystals floating in the air, nor that you survived weather that would--and did--kill citizens from warmer states.

So when you look back, don't think on the misery of the season, but rather in the beauty of the extreme. Like a tidal wave rushing into the shore, or a hurricane swirling on the radar, the terror and danger also yield beauty like none other. A crystallized wasteland--we may never see it again in our lifetime. Think on that awhile.

That's all from Elliott at the Kitchen Table, drinking down his custom six pack from Kroger.

That Time Again...

Dionysus

That's right. It is that time again, folks. Spring is in the air. Birds are chirping. Squirrels are...squirreling? The histamines are blocking, and 50% of America lines itself up and pretends that our Easter celebration is totally NOT based on Pagan traditions drawn from everyone from Ancient Greece and Rome, to the Vikings and Goths.

The churches are packed, because--let's face it--liking god is OK for most of the year. Come Easter, you better fucking mean it, and I mean mean it with prayers, taking up a seat, and giving extra in the donation basket, because god only know when you're going to be here again.

If there is one thing that I cannot stand about the Easter holiday it is the refusal of so many mainstream Christians to admit that their holiday is--not just built on--but a patent rip-off of the celebration of rebirth that permeates so many ancient cultures. The use of rabbits to symbolize fertility, which is also the symbol of Eostre, . The hanging of a god on a tree, which was done by Odin and Krishna before Jesus. Both also rose from the dead, as well. And we cannot forget the lunar calendar in which Easter's date is decided.

Horus the Son of God and Isis

Odin

I wrote on the nonchalance of religion in the modern era before, and I still stand behind that. Despite the youth of this country growing less interested in three thousand year old stories and traditions, there is still a faction--mostly of the aged--that still contends to these traditions, and uses them as a means of waging cultural war of the silliest variety. Every year Fox claims that there is a war being waged against Christmas. In churches all across America there are preachers telling us that kids shouldn't be focusing on the chocolate bunnies or the fun of Easter--even though they DID come first--and instead we need to kick those things to the side and focus on JESUS.

Krishna, also the Son of God

But they WERE there first, and are no less important. Religion is, if nothing else, a combination of silly things that help us get through the day. Some people smoke. Others pray. Others still smoke AND pray. Why must the prayers be for destroying five thousand years of human tradition? If there is one resilient things in our world, it is the old traditions of the so called Pagan gods. At least they knew that they were ridiculous, and bought into it whole sale.

Jesus, another son of God

So happy Spring everyone.

That's all from Elliott at the Kitchen Table, looking forward to coloring eggs in the name of Dionysus, bringer of the Spring, who saved his mother from the clutches of Hades, raising her to Mount Olympus and placing her among the stars.

Hipster Manifesto: Two

I spent a month waiting for an email. Just one.

In that time I received several thousand, and on multiple devices and accounts. There is my personal and business emails. Both can be viewed on my phone or laptop. Let us not forget the piles of junk mail I also received in the physical world--I'm inclined to at least open that, if only for security purposes.

It only just dawned on me that, "I'm a hipster, damn it!"

I shouldn't be sitting by the phone waiting for an electronic letter. I should be sitting at the typewriter, or penning out the next great novel. Or at least playing some vintage video games and drinking craft beer.

Let Manifesto: Two be shorter than the first, in that I have one simple wish...

Hipsters should be able to turn off the chrome, the firefox, the gmail. There is no appreciating things that once were if we are constantly living in the "what is going to be."

Shut down that cell phone and spend some time with yourself, or the family, or your favorite goldfish. Just turn it off.

That's all from Elliott at the Kitchen Table, getting himself a Boston Lager and playing some Mega Man X